11/1/o3

parental advisory- explicit content.

For the most part, I have had a lovely, happy week. On Tuesday night my mom and I went to see RENT in Albany's itty theatre. I loved it. I laughed, got sniffly, and then inexplicably laughed again.

It was not quite what mom expected. I'm not quite sure what she did expect, but this was certainly not it. So her standing on the matter is now "It was okay." This is all well and good, at least I know that I liked it.

I had a happy Tuesday.

Why then, couldn't I have had a happy Saturday?

Daylight Savings time is here. It gets dark really early, and by really early I mean by the time you are out of bed. Winter is arriving quickly, like one of those house guetss that you really don't want anyway, but they show up two hours early anyway. You know what I'm talking about.

My horse, ironically, needs more attention in the winter. By the time I have a ride to the farm on a weekday, it is usually dark out. I am still not allowed to stay there unless mommy is with me.

So the weather is supposed to be shitty this weekend. This morning, the rain hasn't quit hit, so we'll rush to see Woody.

Lots of lessons, and lots of rich snobby leasees/owners wandering the aisles. Hey, that's okay, most of these girls were at one point my friends. I took lessons with them before I bought my horse. We don't have money coming out of our ears; we can't do both.

I was flipped off. Literally. The rest of them weren't quite so open about it, by hey, I was flipped off. Okay, whatever. At this point I really didn't care. I had hooves and joints to check.

No, you are not better than me because your parents have more money to spend on your hobby. Horses are expensive. I know, I own one. There is a great huge chance that once I'm out of college, I will own another. Who knows, Woody may even live longer than your high-strung, fidgety show jumper.

He is not a fucking rock. He is an animal, and, dare I say it, exactly like yours! I don't treat anyone in there different than I treat everybody else I meet. You people really don't have to treat me inferior.

Yeah, so I'm a stupid ass for buying an old horse and dropping my lessons. I did not expect some miracle pony that was going to bounce and run around, really. That horse had not had a visitor in ten years. His board had not been paid in five months. If the next month's was not paid, he was out. His owner would put him god knows where, and I would not be able to unscrew another bottle of Elmer's in my entire fucking life out of sheer pity for this poor animal that probably went to the slaughterhouse.

Fuck me for being compassionate.

I probably love my clunky 25 year-old with his poppy joints and his gimpy trot and his canter that only works on a good day (yes, I did lunge him, and the horse can still move faster than a snail) more than some of you people will ever love one of the horses that passes through your hands for two or three years.

There is no crime in picking up where you left off. Contrary to popular belief, I do not forget every damn thing I've ever learned.

Please treat me like a human being next time, thank you.

To make sure I haven't tread on any tender tootsies, I'm probably just seeing things like I always do and hearing complete dead silence from people I've known for four years is all in my head. Not all riding students are preps, not all leasees are preps, and so on and so on.

Yay, I've saved my ass.

I will live again at 10:23 p.m.

9/17/o3

I had some long, great ramble I was going to put here. I've decided against it. Everyone knows what happens whenever I do that, and I don't feel like dealing with it.

Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

Everyone feel free to dismiss this as spewing crap far too late at night.

I will live again at 02:16 a.m.

9/1o/o3

Changed the layout. It's Rose, from Legend of Dragoon. Cower, because she kicks ass. The layout really doesn't do her justice.

As always, optimized for 1024x768. I tried to make it fit other resolutions as best I could. Any more tinkering with the picture and it would be the size of my thumbnail. And I just didn't feel like screwing around with it anymore.

I will live again at 07:13 p.m.